The PositiveNaija Interviews “Advice of Nigerian Mothers” is a series of interviews with remarkable Nigerian mothers on sharing their motherhood experiences towards understanding and celebrating the crucial role of mothers in raising/training children, building families and uplifting societies.
This series conceived and conducted by Toju Micheal Ogbe is dedicated to Itohan Hephzibah Deborah Igbe and every mother.
“A child cannot pay for its mother’s milk.”
– Chinua Achebe
Interview of Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu who shares her experiences, thoughts and insights as a mother with PositiveNaija (Toju M. Ogbe) on April 20, 2022
Interviewer (Toju): Please Ma, what is your name, how old are you and where are you from?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: My name is Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu. I am 43 years old. I am from Abia state.
Interviewer (Toju): As regards work, what are your interests, passion or pursuits?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Trading of food stuffs (food items) and cooking.
Interviewer (Toju): You are a mother of how many children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Seven children (three males and four females)
Interviewer (Toju): What are the most delightful things about your children (individually)? Or choose three words that describes each of them.
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: For my daughters, they help me do a lot domestically – cook, wash, clean and arrange the house; they are knowledgeable/intelligent – from how they understand and speak our local dialects to their academic work; and they are my friends – no matter my condition, they always understand.
For my sons, they also help me do a lot domestically; they are knowledgeable/intelligent – from how they understand and speak our local dialects to their academic work; and they make me happy with the way they sing for me as well as their concern anytime I return back from work or the market – hugging me and asking me about how the day has been.
Interviewer (Toju): What deliberate/intentional plans have you had in building the emotional, intellectual, mental, spiritual health and character of your children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: It is prayers. As a mother, if you leave God, who again? You have nothing. Secondly, discipline. As a mother, you need to have rules and regulations in guiding your children. You cannot be a mother to welcome/accept nonsense.
Interviewer (Toju): Effective mothering is a matter of values. What values do you prioritize for your children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: I make them understand what the world is about. I teach them about what is good and what is bad – not hiding anything from them. In other words, knowledge about what is right and what is wrong.
You cannot teach them good all the time; when you teach them bad, they should know the consequences for engaging in such.
As a mother, I do not welcome everything my children bring in without me knowing the source.
Interviewer (Toju): ‘There is no place like home’. What peculiar strategies have you used in promoting excitement, joy and lasting memories as well as managing conflicts/disagreements for your children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: First (on promoting joy in the home), I let my children know the time I have and the time I do not have. When they don’t know your in and out, it is a problem. For example, my children can ask me for biscuit and if I tell them I do not have, I am not making them happy. If I have, I give them and they are happy. So, when I don’t have, I take the initiative and tell them what the current situation is like and they understand and they do not hide anything from me.
In addition, I make sure to provide for them.
Also, I gist with them a lot, laugh with them, play with them like friends – like sisters and brothers.
Secondly (on solving conflicts/disagreements), I ask them what the problem is, in which both sides would explain what is the matter. And then I would reason the issue, and instruct the person(s) at fault to apologise after telling him or her why she is wrong.
Interviewer (Toju): Friends, television and music; all increasingly influence children today. How do you check these influences on your children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: For my girls, I inform them to bring their friends for me to see. Since my children are also my friends, they do gist me about what is going on around them at school during which we analyse the various situations. I do ask them what they think about these situations and advise them. If they have a friend that is not welcome, I warn them to stay away from such friend(s). When you see your children with bad friends, you advise and with prayers and beating.
For the movies and music, as I said before, I use every opportunity to advise them, counsel and instruct them. These influences are all around us. When we come across what is bad, I tell them; also get their perspective and correct them where necessary.
Interviewer (Toju): In particular, how would you say you made your children to be of a healthy self-esteem – in other words, how they value themselves and their goals, as well as build their self-confidence?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: To believe in themselves is foundation.
You cannot answer a name that is not your name. That road that you want your child to follow is where you direct to follow before that child can now have the confidence to know road.
By foundation, I mean to direct the child he or she would go on which they will follow.
Also, my eye is on my children – not just hustling/making money but by spending my time, energy and effort with them as I show them the way.
Interviewer (Toju): What are your preferred methods of correcting your children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Whether you grow pass me, you have your size of cane, broom or slippers in the market.
Interviewer (Toju): Cane, broom, slippers – to do what? (Laughs)
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Ah, you know now! (Laughs)
Interviewer (Toju): How important are fathers in the upbringing and development of children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Father is important – very important.
There is one I can handle and another I say to the child(ren) “don’t worry, let your father come back”.
It is good for the two of them (father and mother) to train children.
Father is important in the home in providing for his family, paying the school fees of children, advising the children, bringing experience to putting hand together to make a home.
Interviewer (Toju): Have you had experiences in which you it seemed that your role as a mother was uninteresting, insignificant and even degrading/shameful (perhaps like your talents/gifts were underutilised/wasted)? How did you cope?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: No.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion or preference between stay-at-home mothering and working mothering?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Working mothering.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion on having house helps/nannies to assist in the home and child-raising?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: No, I do not prefer having house helps or nannies. Although, they could be helpful.
House help issue depend on the work the woman is doing but that should not make you not to put eye on your children.
Interviewer (Toju): What is your opinion or preference between boarding schools and day-to-day schools?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: I am okay with both of them. When your child have that foundation, everything is perfect.
Interviewer (Toju): Mothering has never been an easy or simple task. Every generation of mothers face a unique set of challenges. What do you consider the challenges of your time as a mother?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Some husbands may not allow their wives to work but as a mother, you know how to handle the situation. Lack of provision is another by some husbands especially for stay-at-home mothers.
Interviewer (Toju): What are your greatest wishes, prayers, dreams aspirations for your children? And how do you know these are the right ones?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: The best! Long life, good health, etc. as I said, the best.
Well, if you have/know children, you would know the right ones (wishes/aspirations).
Interviewer (Toju): What are the things only God can do in your children’s lives? In other words, are there things beyond your control or power?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Okay, first, nothing is beyond my power because it is God that does everything.
Interviewer (Toju): How do you cope with the need for attention between spouse and children?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Number one, you attend to your children first before your partner.
Interviewer (Toju): Mothers are typically known for their relentless care, prayers/vigils/intercessions, support even when all appears to be well irrespective of the age of their children. Is this the case with you and what is the reason(s) for this?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Yes and the reason is love.
Interviewer (Toju): How can mothers be women of positive influence on the society?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: By their good behavior.
Interviewer (Toju): In light of your reflections, what is one decision you might make to be a better mother?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: To take care of my children.
Interviewer (Toju): But I believe you are doing that already?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Yes, mother’s children don’t use to be old. Even if you are 50 years old, you are still my child/baby.
Interviewer (Toju): How can you describe motherhood?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Motherhood is that mother that cares whether the child belongs to her or not. Motherhood is not to cover or pamper children’s errors.
Interviewer (Toju): Which persons are you grateful for in helping/influencing you towards being a better mother?
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: God! Every morning my prayer: “God help me to be a good/better mother to my children and the nation”.
Interviewer (Toju): Thank you Ma for your time and sharing your unique experiences with us as well as with the world.
Mrs. Nnenna Ogbu: Thank you too.
Interview Credits
*This interview was first conducted by Toju Micheal Ogbe on April 20, 2022.
Written/edited and poster designed by: Toju Micheal Ogbe.
*The Interview Series is open for donation, sponsorship, collaboration or partnership.
*If you enjoyed this interview or have more questions/observations, please comment on this post below or message us on +2349064503292. Thank you.
